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Heike Zelnhefer
My very good and dear friend recently posted a blog entry about respect , which gave rise to this post.

In our fast-paste and quick-fix riddled society, we cannot, in good conscience continue to treat other people as well as our Self the way we have been doing thus far. If I learned one thing from history, it is that violence and an eye-for-an-eye attitude has only brought suffering over centuries to people, countries, and cultures. Retaliation and assigning blame has cost the lives of many.

Only love, compassion, and respect for one another can heal the deep wounds of our society and restore our humanity. We all are part of this world; we live here as individuals yet each of our action has a consequence that directly affects another life whether that is another human being or another living being such as an animal or plant. It is time that we step away from the "I don't care" or "what do I care" attitude and adapt a more caring and nurturing habit. Only then will we move closer to peace and harmony, of living with each other instead of against each other. The latter only infuses the feeling of "I'm alone in this" in many people. You are not alone! We are all in this together!

When we act out of anger or hate, the deeper meaning of it is fear. We are afraid to get hurt* and so we resolve to being angry with another person. Being angry is easier for many people than looking at what we truly are afraid of. Looking deep inside of our heart can be painful and it may open Pandora's Box and unleash a beast of other fears. Unbeknown to many, once you start on this journey of self-reflection, the things we are so afraid of become less frightening. It is like looking at a reflection of a spider. The reflection looks humongous while the spider itself may be a tiny little creature. We are afraid of the reflection whereas the truth may just be that we are dealing with a tiny little issue. Over time, however, we have blown it up in our mind to be this horrendous image of ourself. Frequent berating ourself like thinking "I should have ..." or "why didn't I just ..." accumulate over time and form this big negative self-image. ( I have this image of a dust bunny in my mind.) Even worse, now that we have this negative image of ourself, we continue in our malignant cognizance that we are not worth to be loved, to be appreciated, to be respected. And because we do not love or respect ourself, we cannot pay it forward.

*An exploration of this may just be another blog post so I'm not diving into the deep end here.

Here are some ideas to get you started.

  • Start in the moment, in the here-and-now. Take a deep breath in and tell yourself " I am worthy! I am good enough! I am beautiful the way I am. I love myself and I deserve to be loved! "
  • Do your best to let go of the past. The past has no power over you unless you allow it. The more attention you pay to your past, the more energy goes into reminiscing and the more you get sucked back instead of staying right where you are... in the present.
  • Ask yourself these questions: " If I loved myself, what would I do ?" or " If I really loved myself, what work would I be doing? Who would I allow into my life? How would I act or behave? " ( Anita Moorjani )
  • Ask yourself every day the following: " Dear Universe, God, Higher Self, God Consciousness, Higher Consciousness, Christ Consciousness - whatever you may want to call it - Where can I be of most help today? Where should I go? What should I do? Who should I talk to? And what should I say?" ( Marianne Williamson )
  • Make an accountability agreement or contract with your partner, friend, family... Even if we have the best intentions to change, daily life may pull us back into old habits. Making an agreement with somebody holds you accountable in the sense that this person you made this agreement with can bring you back into your center and the present moment.
  • We tend to separate our thinking from our feeling yet our thinking has a direct affect on how we feel. Next time someone makes you e.g. angry, you may notice how quickly name calling or cursing occurs. Take a deep breath and connect to how you feel. Where in your body did you feel the impact?
  • Build your emotional vocabulary and learn to identify your feelings and needs. Use this list of emotions & needs to get you started. Here is another very detailed list of emotions & reactions .

With Light, Love & Peace

PS: When I write "you" I always include myself in this statement. I am working every day on improving myself, on becoming a better person that I would like to be around, that I like when looking in the mirror.


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