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My Meltdown and GrandMother Moon

greyhawk
GreyHawk Sutter
Recently I had a 3 day complete Meltdown!
I am diagnosed with PTSD from Repeated Traumas in my life. Now, I have pretty much Learned to cope with my Issues as they arise~ after 56 years of experiencing them and almost 20 years of therapy I HOPE so!~ Unfortunatey, as Life will do, I had many stressors coming at me all at once. I became extremely overwhelmed ~ as we all can feel~ and my PTSD went all wonky on me. I had Lost my Balance... my Flow. I had Forgotten to...

LISTEN !

At one point io was actually homicidal or suicidal~ didn't much care which. OUCH!! Not a Good place to Stand!!
I have an Amazing Friend "L" who was SO supportive and at the ready to do what she could. Ah HO L !!
We chatted pretty much Every day and something she said resonated Deep Within me. I immediately smudged myself (again) and tried to ease back into the Flow.... I began to "hear" just whisperings at first~ (NO i do not hear voices, not with PTSD anyway**smile** )~ I did a little grounding exercise and put both feet on the floor ( even better if you're outside and can actually put your feet on the Mother Earth!) and sent "roots" deep into the Mother....an "avenue" to send all this CRAP and dis-ease down and out. We are all from the Mother and to the Mother we shall one day Return. She gives us Life and sustains us and Heals whatever we send into Her. {Sadly we two-leggeds have made Her quite "ill" and Still She Heals us!}

note: I plan to post about Medicine Wheels and How to Help and send Healing back into our great Mother Earth

OK SO>>> I emptied all that i could into the Mother through these deep roots running down from my feet.  WOW ...how do you spell Relief??**** Grounding, Centering, Release, Balance!!!
I then sucked up this wonderfully Healing Energy and alowed it to Fill every part of me..every atom...EVERYWHERE! I then "opened up" the  top of my head and allowed this Energy to burst up and out into the Universe. I was already beginning to calm down { I had been crying,whining, screaming...etc for 3 days pretty much Non-stop~Grrrrrrr dadburn PTSD....Flahbacks and ALL } My next step was to SUCK in with every "part" of My Being all the Golden Healing LIGHT of the Universe...all through me and down through my "roots" and back into the Mother. It was like I opened up mySelf...emptied mySelf and became a Vessel or conduit for this surge of Power/Energy to go down and ground..then up and out ...then  Welcoming and Inviting and RECEIVING mySelf as One with ALL there IS. It's a Wondrous thing and truly indescribable to be so directly connected like that!

NOW i could LISTEN... and I called upon ALL my "Resources" and "Tools" and HELPERS to join me.
I was smudging with cedar~ usually I use White Sage~ as i was "instructed" to do all throughout this whole Experience/Healing.
I called in Creator, Our Eartm Mother, the 4 Directions, my right and left totem animals, the Council of the Ancients {who I had met in the Dreamtime!! WOW talk about Awe and Fear but that's a sory for another time } and an Ancestral Medicine Womanthat has "watched over me" for many years. I "saw" her just once standing guard in my doorway as outside forces were causing  frightening disturbances and I had asked for Help then as well.
I Felt them all join around me in a semi-circle {they had my back for sure! } and I Received the HUG I needed so badly { one of my "afflictions" is scabies~shudder~ and No One can touch me as I am infectious}. I was NOT Alone!!! I had Forgotten!!~ PTSD can do that...at least My symptoms do~ Ah HO!!!

and so I
LISTENED.....
very carefully I might add. I was told that something in my environment (thanks L ) was "attacking" me. WOW my environment?? That could mean Anything!! ~rarely do I receive answers with step by step instructions ~chuckle~
So I opened up my senses a bit more and found some events and physical items in my apartment were "OFF" and interestingly enough they came from the same source....hmmm What to do?? I had already smudged every inch of my apartment { even the shower and closets} and literally threw what did Not serve me or my Home out the front door. The smoke just billowed out... A thought occurred to me. In 2 days time (10 August 2014) was a Full Moon... a Super Full Moon AND the beginning of the Perseid meteor showers!! A Wonderful time to LET GO of Anything that does Not Serve Me. { at the end of this post I shall post a link for a  rather simple and friendly Releasing Ceremony for the Full Moon}

SO....that Super Full Moon was last night. I was joined by a friend I had invited who I "knew" had much to release as well. It was cloudy and drizzling on and off so a Fire in my firepit was out dang it! BUT... I do have a back porch and that served us well. I built a tiny Fire in my brass bowl that I use for Smudging with stems of White Sage and Cedar. We wrote down what we Most needed to Release and shared with each other. We each had 3 things. We rolled the little pieces of paper into tiny scrolls and Gave them to the Fire which in turn "sent" them to GrandMother Moon. She did peek out a bit here and there. I sadly did not see her Face but i did see AND Feel her LIGHT!! I then concentrated on Letting GO of everything that I seem to hang on to like a Cougar and her prey. Only all of these things that i had been hanging onto did Not sustain me in any way. Wait... what??? I shook my head! What the heck am I STILL hanging on to some of this stuff?? I don't want it!! I Sure did Not NEED Any of it!!
We then smudged ourselves Really well and began to make our Prayer bundles. I had cut 2 squares of red felt which we put Cedar, White Sage and Tobacco along with Prayers fro Healing and Blessings. Even you, my Reader, were included in my bundle. Traditionally I was taught to tie it somewhere lik in a tree for Spirit to "take". I think my friend jhas been "led" to do something differnt with hers but mine sits here next to me on my Deer Medicine and Protective Crystal Grid until I FEEL where it must go.

The last thing i did before retiring for the night was to Smudge every bit or the perimeter of this property I live on> As i finished my clockwise circle of the property the bowl became too hot to hold so i laid it gently on the grass { the Sage was still smoking like crazy} and left it there all night. This morning when I went out to retrieve the boiwl {so I could smudge myself and begin my day} the bolw was completely empty excapt fro a bit of rain water. No ashes or any residue at all. My offering has been excepted!
Ah HO!!
Mitakuye Oyasin!!

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